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Avoid Senior Care Emergencies – Start The Conversation Early

Family Tour

Avoid Senior Care Emergencies – Start The Conversation Early

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Adult children are often involved in helping their parents make decisions about care needs. We are often asked the question, “How can I talk to Mom about moving to an assisted living?”

Starting the conversation early is so important. Many are fearful that these conversations will be uncomfortable even hostile. It’s best to be able to gently bring up the conversation multiple times. If the conversation isn’t started early, and a last second decision must be made, that only increases the chances the conversation will be uncomfortable.

The primary goal is to avoid emergency decisions and move-ins. This creates undue stress for Elders and their families.

Start talking, asking question and shopping for care options early.

Some families have always had open and candid conversations, there are many others that have been more reserved in talking about sensitive subjects.

Here are universal tips that may help ease the conversation with the goal of planning ahead and preventing last-minute emergencies.

These suggestions are based on asking open-ended questions.

It’s important to allow the Elder to make their own decision, knowing full well that you already think a move is imminent.

When an Elder is still cognitive, you cannot make them do anything, even if you are the Durable Power of Attorney.

Elders do have rights. It’s important to guide the conversation in order to allow healthy decision making on their part.

Strong-Arming A Parent Will Not Work Long Term

A damaged relationship is not healthy for any family. Exhaust all possibilities to make it possible for the parent to make their own decision.

Never plan to ‘trick’ a parent into moving or thinking you can simply drop them off at an Assisted Living Community and the staff will take care of them. You can imagine the nightmare that creates. Sadly some families think that is the only way.

This ‘trick’ attempt damages the family relationship, and it damages the chance of a smooth transition.

It takes time and a lot of patience to get to a healthy decision.

These questions are based on a relaxed setting where the conversation could be about anything:

  • Mom, is this house becoming a burden to you? Do you ever think about downsizing to something more manageable?
  • Dad, do you notice any decline in your ability to live here at home? Do you have any concerns about cooking, cleaning and doing maintenance?
  • Mom, are there some things you’d like to accomplish in the next few years. Can I help you with any plans?
  • Mom, have you thought about where you’d like to be in 5 years?
  • Mom, I worry about not knowing what your wishes are. Would you talk to me about what you want in case there is an emergency and you can’t make a decision on your own?
  • Dad, are there times you feel lonely here at home? Would you like to have more company?
  • Mom, as you look to the future what things concern you? Do you feel like you have a good plan for the future? Have you written any of those things down? I would be glad to help you get that in writing.
  • Dad, what are your goals for the next chapter of your life?

Remember – The Goal Is To Talk About The Future

As always, listening and repeating what you hear them say is important.

Don’t argue, it will get you nowhere.

There are some great resources to share with parents that broach this subject. An excellent website is, Where You Live Matters.

The goal is to start a positive conversation and to be patient.

It can be good to invite another trusted friend, physician, or clergy to have this conversation with or without you present.

Offer the opportunity to go on a ‘shopping day” to look at retirement communities and have lunch out. It might be nice to invite a friend to go along.

Make it fun and non-threatening. Start this conversation early with the goal of early planning with no emergencies.

There is nothing easy about this transition but it can be the best chapter of life.

There are so many seniors that have very outdated ideas of what an Assisted Living Community in Kansas City looks like.

Most are thinking of an older nursing home that they may have visited years ago. These mental pictures are very sad and misleading. Modern advances in senior living are something brand new, only seeing will change their minds.

Getting a tour arranged is the first major feat. Then the conversations become more realistic as the Elder thinks about moving into an active, beautiful community with meals prepared and daily activities and with no home ownership worries.

Shopping Early Is A Huge Advantage

By starting the conversation and the shopping early there is no pressure to think any decision has to be made quickly.

The conversation can focus on the future “if the need arises’. It is like having insurance for the future if the situation changes.

Most people live in denial about ever needing healthcare support but statistics say that more than 70% of all adults will need help at some time in their life. So the concept of being prepared makes sense while hoping you won’t ever need it.

If you are ready to schedule a tour for a loved one who is considering moving to an assisted living community, please contact the Piper today!

Most Important Questions To Take With You When Touring Assisted Living Or Memory Care In Kansas City

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The following list of questions can be used when touring Assisted Living or Memory Care facilities. Notes should be taken to eliminate confusion after visiting more than one community.

Our Own Observations

Listen to your own intuition. Not only may you see or hear things that are obvious, but you may just have a feeling about a community.

  • Are the employees smiling? Do they seem happy to be working there? Are they interacting with residents in a positive way? Feel free to ask them questions.
  • Does it seem clean? Does it smell pleasant? Does it smell like disinfectant?
  • Ask if the apartment will be painted and re-carpet between occupancy?
  • What kind of activity do you see? Do you see family members visiting?
  • Plan to eat a meal with residents or at least observe dining.
  • Observe the length of hallways for mobility issues
  • Do you see any pets? Are they allowed?
  • Is there an outdoor space to walk or sit?

Questions To Dig Deeper

  • What will my mom’s (or any loved one) day be like? Walk me through a typical day of a resident.
  • How will she make friends?
  • What kind of group activities are there? Do you have a bus to take residents out? Will you take her to the grocery store or Walmart?
  • Can she have privacy? Can she lock her door?
  • Will people come in unannounced?
  • Who will provide personal care?
  • What is the protocol when there is an emergency?
  • How do you handle a DNR? (If you don’t know about this and you are not sure of for your loved one, do some online research and ask questions to see if they have one.)
  • How are meals served? Can she eat in her apartment? Who cooks the food? May I see a menu? What if she is a fussy eater?
  • Are there structured mealtimes and table assignments she would have to follow?
  • Do you provide transportation to doctor appointments? Is there a charge?
  • Do you have an in-house physician she can see?
  • Can she have her own car?
  • What is the protocol for fire or tornados? Do residents practice with drills?

Financial Questions

  • What do you require to know about my mom’s finances?
  • What are the costs monthly? What is covered?
  • Do you do an assessment to determine the cost? Who does that?
  • Is there an investment requirement in addition to monthly rent?
  • Is there an upfront community fee? How much?
  • May I have a sheet explaining costs? Are there extra charges?
  • What is the move-out policy? How long is the lease?
  • Do you have any specials now? Does she bring her own furniture? Do you pay for the move?
  • Do you have a buy-in program or is it month to month?
  • Do you take Medicaid as a payer source?

If you’re interested in touring assisted living or memory care facilities in Kansas City, contact The Piper today.

Importance Of Scheduling Assisted Living And Memory Care Family Tours

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Living Room

Taking a number of Assisted Living and Memory Care family tours in Kansas City facilities will give a balanced understanding of the differences and similarities between communities.

Time should be allowed to give each community the opportunity to explain their philosophy and show their property.

Some shoppers feel they have an advantage by showing up unannounced to see what daily life is ‘really like’. It is understandable that people think this might be a good idea, but there are definite drawbacks.

Setting An Appointment To Tour Is Always Best.

Having assisted living and memory care family tours set up in advance will give everyone including the loved one the best experience.

The marketing consultant will have time to prepare collateral and custom plan the tour.

If there is previous knowledge of the person needing care that has been established beforehand the tour can be customized to include either Assisted Living or Memory Care.

By Setting Up An Appointment It May Be Easier To Gather Family Members That Will Be Decision-Makers.

Touring together helps get everyone on the same page. All the family will hear the same questions and answers.

When possible it is best to bring the Elder in need of care to participate in the tour. Often times the tour helps alleviate fears and misconceptions on their part.

When Visitors Decide Not To Set An Appointment To Tour It May Result In A Less Than Satisfactory Experience.

If a family shows up unannounced there is a good chance the marketing staff will be touring another family or engaged with a new move-in.

Since each tour can take an hour or more depending on the number of guests and questions asked, it may not be possible to wait for it to be over.

We never want to rush people in these situations because everyone agrees this is a very important decision.

Timeliness is critical in these situations and rushing a tour or giving a partial tour is not the best experience and may lead to misinformation and confusion.

Calling The Office And Talking To The Staff In Advance Of A Tour Is The Best Way To Have A Great Experience.

Everyone concerned wants the tour to be a good experience. Prior knowledge of the Elder’s needs is important for strategizing the best apartment to show, the proper level of care to suggest and understanding the possible costs involved.

An important addition to an assisted living and memory care family tour is that it may possible to arrange for the guests to talk to some of the current residents or stay for lunch and experience life in the community. All of this takes pre-planning on the part of the staff.

Although we would never turn down a walk-in tour because we understand that sometimes it is necessary, a call beforehand, even if it is brief, is extremely helpful to everyone involved.

The Tour Should Be An Enjoyable Experience.

Whether it is time to make a decision to move or it is just preliminary shopping the tour should be pleasant and informational. Our goal is to be the trusted advisor that can help with any concerns, questions or preplanning. Give us a call today and schedule a tour.